Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
