he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
