today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
