Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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