im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
