Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
