I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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