We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
