shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
