I hate all girls vehemently.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
