I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
