Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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