none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
