i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
