Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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