were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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