1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im holly from the hills drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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