Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
