I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
