My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
