Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
