i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
