Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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