The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
