okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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