I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
