that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
