After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
