What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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