I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Small penises have feelings too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
