You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
