the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
