I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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