Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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