she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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