sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
