I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
