just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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