Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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