i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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