I just made out with a guy for $7.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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