I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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