Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
