took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I believe in your delicious
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
