Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
