After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
