shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
