I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
