just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
