HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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