remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
