Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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