she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize