I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
