my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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