My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
