the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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