Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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