The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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