I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
