And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
