so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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