Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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