Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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