At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
