the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
