The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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