You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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