I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
