You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
