I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
