I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
