On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
