community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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