saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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