You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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