Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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